If only I could win the lottery. I know you all wish that, too!
Ever since I was a little girl I just assumed that I would have a pretty house in Poulsbo, somewhere near the water, with my family when I became a wife and mommy. Imagine my surprise when I got married and started househunting in 2006 (the near peak of the housing bubble) and discovered that those homes I'd always pictured cost $400k and up! Craig was new at his job and I was new at mine and we were young and poor, but we wanted a home. We went out almost every night with our agent looking for a home we could afford and that didn't need too much work. We would find one that was a possibility and then by the next day it was already off the market. We couldn't move fast enough. We also couldn't afford to live in Poulsbo. We figured well, what the heck, we'll buy in Bremerton and in a couple years we'll sell and move. That couple years has come and gone and March will be 4 years in our home. I am trying to keep my patience and trust that God has a plan for us and our family and that hopefully that plan includes a bigger house. I honestly (seriously!) believe that my 13 month old daughter hasn't figured out walking yet because there's no need to in a house as small as ours. How small? 763 square feet. We do have a 2 car garage and an unfinished basement that you get to from the outside so at least we have storage. However, our actual living area is very small. The average size of a US prison cell is 8x12, I think my bedroom is that size! You can't ever escape or have privacy and poor Eliana has no where to roam. She loves crawling all over the place in her grandparents home that is about 6 times the size of ours. I'm not asking for that much square footage, but even 1500 would be nice. I am going stir crazy and am feeling anxious about what we're going to do when we are able to get pregnant again. Many people say to us, "oh don't worry about it, when my kids were little we had a tiny house and it was just cozy. You just stack them and they don't care!". And then I ask them, "how small was it?" The common response? 1500 square feet. I then want to scream, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That's TWICE the size of my home. You do not even know the 1st thing about small until every time you buy something you think, "where will I put this? (even toilet paper and pan spray!)" I hate that I can't entertain. It's crowded in here with just Craig, Eliana, and me, not to mention if we had people over! I would love to throw dinner parties and ladies nights...but where would I put the people? I have often said to friends, if you wonder why I never invite people over and don't host parties, it's not you, it's just that my house is super tiny and I have no room. That sucks!
We had hoped to sell this past June but ran into two hurdles. One, we would need over ten thousand in cash at closing just to offload our home. Second, the loan company was not thrilled that Craig had unemployment income during the year. We've put over $15k into our home in renovations and couldn't seem to swallow having to also pay to get rid of it. And as for unemployment income, I get why that's a concern but I had hoped that great credit scores and never being late on a payment would count for something. We took those as a closed door and are now waiting.
Please Lord, provide my family with a home we love and that gives our family room to grow. I am anxious and frustrated in this little home, help me to trust you and know that you'll provide.