Monday, February 8, 2010

Waiting game

Oh man, the waiting game is driving me absolutely crazy! Today is cd (cycle day) 33. Typically in the past with Provera and Clomid I've had 32 day cycles which would mean my period is 1 day late. I took a hpt (home pregnancy test) today but it was negative. I called the nurse and she said it's still pretty early to test and I should wait until Friday and retest. From there it's up to my dr what she wants to do next. If a period doesn't start on it's own then I assume it'd be 10 days of Provera again followed by Clomid on cd 5-9 and then another blood draw on cd 23 or 24.
I have been worn out, crying easily, and just not feeling like myself at all. I feel kind of groggy and sleepy and almost sad and that's been the last few days. I think a lot of this is normal for women on Clomid and it could also be that my period is about to start. Or I could be pregnant. But with a negative pregnancy test I doubt it.
This is so different than how it was getting pregnant with Eliana. With her I took a hpt at almost 5 weeks pregnant so it was positive right away. At this point I'd be barely pregnant so who knows if I have enough Hcg for it to show up positive. I just want something to happen either way. I either want my period to start so I can get moving on the next month of Clomid or a positive hpt. The waiting is ridiculous and I start to feel crazy.
I also asked the nurse what my progesterone level was (the specific number) because I've been seeing it all over TTC forums and websites. I didn't even realize you could ask for a specific number, I thought it was just a 'yes' or 'no' to ovulating. My specific number for January was 6.22. Apparently my dr likes to see 6.5 but she thought 6.22 was sufficient. Your progesterone number determines if you've ovulated and if you'll be able to sustain pregnancy. From what I can find a 10 is needed to sustain pregnancy ( I guess you get that high after implantation?).

I realize that if it doesn't happen now there is always next time around and I understand that God knows the perfect time, so please don't feel like you need to remind me of those things. For me, all the stress, frustration, waiting, and anger of trying for 1 1/2 years with Eliana comes back to mind and it's hard to stay positive that it will happen quickly. Every unsuccessful month that goes by is painful and nervewracking. But I don't have to tell you that if you've ever dealt with infertility! And I'm sure my mood and attitude are not helped at all by the synthetic hormones. I need a vacation!!!

Back to waiting and waiting......

1 comment: