Wednesday, March 3, 2010

boy vs girl sometimes feels like fertile vs infertile

Alright, today is the blood draw. Hopefully I can call and get results tomorrow. My temp peaked on Monday so I was thinking WAHOO that means I ovulated on Sunday. But alas it went back down on Tuesday. And then sure enough it's back up again today. I need to see what the blood draw results are and if my temp is peaked again tomorrow. Then of course it's a waiting game for a couple of weeks to see if either Aunt Flo appears or I have a positive pregnancy test.

A friend and I were talking yesterday about how different life is for the couples that don't struggle at all with infertility. For a couple that struggles, the gender isn't that big of deal. I think naturally most of us have at least a slight preference for boy or girl, but when it's taken years to even get pregnant- it sure as heck doesn't matter the gender. You just want a healthy full term pregnancy! I definitely was excited when I found out I was having a girl, but had it been boy I would've adjusted and been happy in that direction, too. I'm not gonna lie, it's a little tough for fertility challenged couples see people who get pregnant super easy be so adamant that they only 'want' one gender. I know these couples by know means are trying to come across ignorant or hurtful, but that's exactly how it can feel to someone who's been trying to get pregnant for a long time and then has a friend who's extremely put off by whatever gender they are having. I think it's unintentional ignorance. You can't know how infertility feels unless you've been through it. You can't know how it feels to get pregnant on a whim, unless you have. Neither side knows how the other one feels.
What are your thoughts on this? And btw I'm not pointing fingers at anyone, I've known several people on either side of this situation. I just think it's good to open up a discussion and maybe help all of us to think about something we haven't thought about before :)

3 comments:

  1. I agree with you 100% Diana. You and I have both had our struggles ttc, and we know the frustration that comes with that. On the other hand, for people who don't have any problems at all, it is hard for them to see it from our point of view. I think in the end, no matter what, we all can agree that whether it's a boy or girl, we find out or choose to be surprised, we all just want a happy, healthy baby.

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  2. Just like you I have my natural inclinations but I will be more then overjoyed just to have a happy healthy baby. I don't think it's anything I can control (well maybe there's a couple things I can do to shift the needle but who knows how much those things work anyway?) and I would never want to feel like a baby would be unwanted so I wouldn't let myself feel any other way.

    I'm praying for good news for you!

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  3. I know there are so many point of views on this, and I was blessed to have an easy time getting prego, but deep in all of our hearts we do have a preference of gender. And there is NO problem with admitting that. After finding out I was having a boy and really wanted a girl, the one thing that hurt the most was to hear people say that healthy was what matters most. Point being it's okay to want something so bad. Just as some want for so long to conceive. It's kind of an off kilter subject because having a hard time conceiving is totally different than having a gender preference. and to compare the two on an equal playing field you can never have one side win, not should one.

    I love you D! I support and pray for you in conceiving just as much as you supported me when I found out about my baby boy. We both struggle, give it to God, and see Him working in us through the process.

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