Sunday, March 21, 2010
Lots of stuff not having to do with infertility (thought I'd give you all a break)
As most of you know, our house has been on the market about 3 weeks. Sounds like the realtor's gotten some calls about it, but no one ready to come see it yet :( We are praying and hoping it sells and sells quick! Friday morning I went to the park with a friend and our girls (such a needed break in my week!) and when I got home the septic pumping guy had left me my bill, which is normal, but on the bill it said to call an installer about the drainfield. I was like, oh great, just what we need. We've gotten a few opinions so far. I'd like to go with the one that said nothing is wrong, but I'm still waiting on Hemley's to call to get out to give us a bid. Either way I have to trust that God will provide. If we sell, the buyer's will want a fully functioning septic. If we stay here, we also need a fully functioning septic! At this point there's no backing up or issues in the house but there is occasionally about a foot portion of the grass near the septic opening that gets wet some days (especially if it's been raining). That apparently sometimes just happens with older septics because of the way the port is built. I'm trying not to panic that it's a drainfield issue since that would cost us thousands we don't have.
We went to another Doctor on Friday about Craig's health issues. He is very knowledgable in the stuff Craig is dealing with and was very willing to help us. At the end of the appointment when it came time to pay he asked how it would be for us to pay. I thought he meant like card or check and I said card. He said no they don't take cards anymore and that he meant how are our finances right now. I immediately started crying and said, "you don't want to ask." Every few days I get a dr bill for $75 and up (like $455 for the lab bill!) and then just that day I had paid $325 to get the septic pumped and found out we might have a problem. The $150 we expected to pay for the appointment was not anywhere in our budget but necessary to get Craig help. I think what got me and made me cry was just that no dr has ever asked about our finances. Even when I've said, "we need to know how much this will cost since we pay 100% out of pocket", they still don't seem to care! But this dr who is actually helping us (and we've talked to and paid for a few that didn't), was being kind and gracious and generous. It feels like we constantly struggle financially. Craig works his butt off and we end up spending more than his paycheck many weeks, but not on fun stuff! We spend it on constant medical bills, home repairs, etc. I wish I could say I got new shoes, went out to eat, or got my hair done, but I haven't done any of those in a quite a while. We struggle and we muddle through and often it feels that the many people we pay our money to don't give a crap about how hard it is on us to pay them. And then to have a very educated and successful person offer to help us and tell us, "Don't worry about it. If you're situation changes, we'll talk. Don't worry about it right now." It just felt so humbling and gratifying at the same time to have someone sensitive to our current situation! What a blessing for us.
It's extremely hard on a young family to not have medical insurance. I just feel like all our money goes to medical bills (dental, lab, office visits, prescriptions, etc). We've spent neary $3k this year already, and we're not even 3 months in! Technically we have insurance but it's pointless since it doesn't cover anything until we reach $5k (and that doesn't count dental, vision, or infertility). I'm working on getting the Washington Apple program for Eliana. It's really the only thing we can get her and it appears that any income can qualify. It won't be free for us, but I think only like $20 a month. Too bad Craig and I don't qualify for anything. I don't know what more we can do. I have researched and applied for things and we're always declined. The thing is, we don't even go to the dr very often. But one office visit can cost over $200 and then God forbid you need any lab work done that can easily be a couple hundred (and usually more). A dental cleaning is nearly $150 and really necessary for Craig with the way his mouth is after the accident. Trust me on that. There are so many fake teeth and so much metal under the skin. As for me, I haven't seen the dr for something besides infertility or an annual in longer than I can even think of. I guess we'll just keep trucking on and really pray for a breakthrough in our current financial/insurance situation. Our house selling would be a great start!
These are hard times for so many people. I guess if you are struggling you can know you have a friend in me! Sometimes I want to say, well, let's just screw it. Seems we'll never pay our credit card off (although it's down to $1k for the moment), might as well just book a trip to Hawaii. And boy do I want that. You have no idea. I dream of a sandy beach and walking around the Saturday flea market on Maui........Craig's never even been there. But there is the responsible side of me that says, 'no, that's not a wise decision right now.' It's like when you open the bag of chips and sit to watch tv. Before you know it half the bag is gone! Part of you thinks, 'well, I've already eaten too much might as well keep going.' But is that the best decision? No. Put the bag of chips away. I wonder if many people in America are feeling that way. Like, well we're already in so much debt and things are already out of control so what does it matter if I put these $200 shoes on the credit card or we eat at this fancy restaurant, etc. I think there is a huge difference between putting a medical bill or septic pump or heating oil on your credit card than just a new pair of Seven Jeans. Do you agree? Ideally we'd have the cash for whatever bill we get, but sometimes that's just not the case. And it's not like we can just leave the septic and let it overflow. Ewww.
Through all this stuff going on in life I am daily blessed by my sweet little toddler, Eliana. She is such a joy. She gives me hugs and kisses and makes me read the same book to her 15 times in a day. She packs the washing machine with her bibs and my shoes and she makes me wrap her dolly in a blanky and kiss it. Every day is new and fresh and exciting to her and she helps me to see life more that way. I love her more than I ever knew I could love a little person and I'm thankful I have a couple more years to kiss her cheeks 100 times a day without an ,"Oh, mom!" She is my blessing and I'm glad God chose me to be her mother.
Ok, obviously I haven't blogged in a while, way too much to ramble about!
On a random and final note :), as we were coming home from the grocery store tonight we drove past a women on the side of the road (not behind a tree or anything) with her pants completely down and wiping her butt with a paper towel. Is that weird or what? Quite the view! Talk about indecent exposure! And it was in a high traffic area. lol.
P.S. Craig is down nearly 20lbs!!! and I'm still at around -14lbs :)