I'm feeling today like it's going to be SO long until I meet this baby. Pregnancy seems to go by slow when you're in the middle of it and then super fast when you look back on it. Isn't most of life like that though?
I'm a good 15lbs (maybe more) less at 13 1/2 weeks with this child than I was with Eliana, so I'm very glad about that. Some of my maternity clothes are too big, but I'm sure they'll fit better in a few months. I fantasize about going into labor naturally and not having to be induced and go that whole route. It was miserable for me. Plus I feel so super strongly about letting the baby tell your body when it is ready. What should naturally happen is for the baby to send signals to your body to move things along.......not your body sending signals to the baby! For this to happen properly with me my blood pressure needs to stay healthy and my weight gain needs to be minimal, as in 15lbs or less. Last time around I kept my weight gain at 9lbs until the last week or so. When I delivered I was 28lbs up (total). Talk about fluid (from the Preeclampsia)! It was really painful. I couldn't move my ankles for almost 2 weeks after delivery and I had severe night sweats as my body was needing to drop all that fluid. I was so puffy. In my perfect world, my weight gain would be around 10lbs total and I would labor naturally and have the baby without pitocin or tearing. So basically I want the birth to be opposite from last time :) haha I even read some midwifery websites today and tried to ask myself, "Gosh, could I do a homebirth?" At this point, it's outside my comfort zone just a bit too much. That and I'm probably considered high risk being overweight and having previously been preeclamptic (is that a word?). I'll continue to keep it in my back pocket in case something happens with my OB's office that I really disagree with, but at this point I really like my OB. I'm more just concerned about the high incidence of inductions and c-sections with an OB and hospital versus a midwife and homebirth. Some places have cool birthing centers staffed by midwives, but to my knowledge Kitsap County doesn't have that yet. Harrison's birthing center is really nice and I'm anticipating a great experience, there's just some fear about history repeating itself for me.
I think all I can do now is try to be as healthy as I can and deal with stress in a healthy way, and pray for God to give me the desires of my pregnant heart :)
A friend and I were chatting tonight after Newlife Church's women's event and I shared a verse I read in my most recent Karen Kingsbury novel (I love her!).
1 Kings 19:11-13 (New International Version)
11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
I don't know about you, but I don't spend too much time in the Old Testament usually, but this passage is a nugget of gold for sure. I think it's beautiful and speaks about the character of our God, that He doesn't try to push us over or force us to listen to Him. Instead He softly speaks to our hearts and draws us to Him in love, never forcing us. I'm so thankful to serve a God who loves me so much and always meets me right where I am in that moment and chooses to pursue me and constantly call my name with love. For me He is Saviour, Friend, Ruler, Lover, and for most of my life- Father. Being a parent has definitely tenderized my heart and given me so much perspective about how God maybe feels about how we behave and how deeply He must love us.
I had the challenge and privelege (it was both!) of being Assistant Director and vocalist on a 3 month long US tour with the Continental Singers about 7 years ago. It was so challenging living on an old bus with 25 other people and sleeping in stranger's homes every night and being in a new town nearly every day. During this time I learned so much about trusting God since I literally had no control over anything. I never knew what the next day would hold for me (this drove my planning personality crazy for the first month!), so I had no choice but to leave it in God's hands. There was one night I really felt like God had a message for me. After an evening show a handsome guy came up to me and said, "You were captivating." Strangely I didn't take it as him hitting on me or anything weird. I was extremely flattered but more than anything thought, "Wow, that's exactly what God says about me. HE thinks I am captivating!" Every now and then I remember that night and I remind myself that no matter what I think about myself, I will always be loved and captivating to my Lord. I love it when I actually listen to His gentle whisper :)