The last couple weeks I've found myself SO busy. The weeks are flying by and I look at the few days on the calendar with nothing planned with great expectation :)
Last week I was supposed to have Thursday free but got a call from a realtor for a showing and that sent me into a cleaning frenzy. When I'm gone everyday for 2 weeks, what gets left undone? Cleaning! So I had lots of catching up to do. I filled a big bowl with soapy water and cleaned all the cabinets (they're all white), swept, vaccumed, mopped, laundry, changed the bedding, decluttered (and hid anything with sensitive or personal information), scrubbed down the bathroom and tub/shower, dusted, put Elly's toys away, dishes, a little weeding, etc. I think I cleaned for 6 hours. Granted everything takes a bit longer with an almost 2 year old 'helping' :) So much for a free day!
Wednesday we went to La Leche League and then the County Fair for free courtesy of my dad's company who is a yearly sponser. Eliana was a little weary of the animals, I think because most of them are much bigger than her. She liked the llamas, bunnies, and dogs the most.
Today- yeah, not so much fun so far. Craig and I kept waking up cold last night (and the previous 2 nights) but didn't put the pieces together until 5am this morning. I put my foot over the heater grate in our room: cold air. Tried the bathroom heater grate: cold air. Oh dear. I knew that meant we were out of oil and that would mean hundreds of dollars. I could hardly get back to sleep I was so stressed about it. Apparently the last time we got oil was February, so it has been a while, but it's still always frustrating and expensive anytime we need it. 150 gallons (which is how much you need to get a discount) will cost about $500 and I'm praying will last all winter. If it was just Craig and I, I'd put on sweats, a hoodie, wool socks, and a beanie (how sexy!) and call it good like I did in the first house we rented. But with Eliana and a new baby coming in 12ish weeks that's not really an option. And honestly, how lame is it that it's August and we are waking up freezing?
Then on the way out to the car for church Craig's glasses fell and both lenses got pretty beat up on the rocks they fell on. Not good. He doesn't have vision insurance :( Lens Crafters, where his glasses were from, said it'd be $125 minimum per lens (!), Costco is saying probably $75 total. We'll be heading there later to see what we can do. His prescription expires in February, so I'd rather just deal with it now.
It just feels a lot like we take 1 step forward and 2, or more, steps backwards. I know a lot of us feel that way and it sucks! We had bought a Graco Quattro double stroller about 3 months ago. I had a 20% off coupon but with tax it was still $225. Last week we decided that we couldn't afford it and needed to return it. I felt kind of bummed but sensed God was asking us to trust Him with providing one for less. We were literally about to head to Silverdale to return it and I checked Craigslist really quick and found the same stroller in a different color in University Place for $60. I emailed and they called right back and said if we came that night it'd be $50. Um, ok! That really felt like a God moment. It was missing a few cup holders and a tray needed for an infant seat, and a key/storage bag, but we got them on Graco.com and with tax and everything we still ended up getting the stroller for $100 total instead of the $225 we'd spent. We filled a bucket with warm soapy water and washed it down really good and I fixed a small tear on a seat and washed the seats and it looks brand new :) So, that's the step forward.........then today happens and it's like, 'well, we saved $125, but now we're out $600 for oil and glasses.....' Frustrating! Do I trust God to provide for us? Yes. I want to, I really want to. He always comes through and I know that, but it's hard when the bills and expenses are frequently more than the income. I pray that things won't always be like this for us. In the big picture I feel fortunate and grateful for everything we have and that's the space I need to live in and remember on days like today.
I wish our house would've sold (it goes off the market Tuesday) so we could rent somewhere bigger for about $500 less a month (seriously), I wish Craig and I both had great insurance available from his employer, I wish we could go to Starbucks, take vacations, eat out, shop at Macy's like the good old days.......but we just can't right now. I do usually get Starbucks once a month on the morning I sing on worship at Newlife. I pack Craig's lunch everyday (except when I forget and then I think he eats nothing :( ) That's just how life is right now.
I'm thankful for Eliana. She is the most perfect almost 2 year old I could wish for. She's smart and sensitive and gives us more love than we dreamed of. I'm thankful for the 2 1/2 lb little girl growing in me right now. I'm excited for my homebirth and the beautiful song I think it will be for me and us as a family. I'm thankful for my house, no matter how small it is, and that I can call it home and make memories here with my family. I'm thankful for my washer and dryer (we went 4 years with 25 year old set before they died and we bought the new ones 2 years ago), I'm thankful to have a car to drive and that Craig has a truck to drive. [Although I wish my car hadn't been in the shop almost 20 times in 23 months....] Things aren't perfect and things definitely don't always work out how I hope or wish that they would, but we have each other and God always provides. I wish he'd provide about $250k :) but His ways are not our ways, right?
Isaiah 55:8-9 (New International Version)
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."