Monday, June 13, 2011

Jack

This is my little sister and me the summer I met Craig. I was 21 :) Oh to look like that again and to be able to wear a halter without a bra- lol!

Me and one of my besties...we were about 17.

That's me in the middle. I was about 19, on tour with the Continentals. We were somewhere in middle America in this picture in some funky old diner.


These days I feel like a Jack of All Trades, and not in a good way. Sort of like I do a million things and I don't do any of them excellently. Boo! I remember before kids and as busy as I thought I was, I wasn't really! I could shop or go for a run or spend 2 hours learning a new recipe or stay up til 4am reading and finishing an amazing book. I could curl my very fine but very thick hair for an hour and a half or dye my hair just cuz I was feeling bored (and I changed colors monthly!). I could experiment with makeup and try on 6 outfits to get it just right.  I had TIME. I could watch 4 seasons of Sex in the City (naughty me) in a row doing crunches and painting my nails during. These days my life is filled with meal making in hurry, nursing, laundry, diapers, cleaning, tidying up, running errands, and then POOF my day is over. There are times I miss the old me. I miss that I had time to really spend on myself and it showed. It makes me sad when I look at old pictures and remember what I used to look like and then I look in the mirror and feel really bummed. This is the "I've let myself go" stage and it sucks. I was wearing a size 6/8 when I met Craig, believe it or not. That size said goodbye years ago. What will it take to put more focus on me? I'm not really sure right now.

I make meals, but not the ones I want to make or the ones I wish I could take time to figure out or learn.

I clean, but never as much as I want or as deeply as I wish I had time for.

I put on clothes, but rarely an 'outfit'. It's just whatever is clean and easy for nursing and getting spit up on.

I feel stretched in a million directions and like I should be able to balance it all better and give more to each of my kids, my husband, and still give more to me. But I only have so many minutes and I only have so much energy.

Do all moms struggle with this? I think they must.

1 comment:

  1. I absolutely do! I've actually got a good rhythm going right now and am able to do about 75% of what I want (50%?)... ok I choose one or two things each week and my husband helps. So for instance I get a couple of hours of ME time to go running on the weekends but then I may not spend as much time deep cleaning or playing with recipes. It's such a balancing act to find a couple things to do well rather than a peanut butter spread doing it all just a little.

    HOWEVER..... I only have one little guy. We've pushed off #2 ~6 months because I really am fearful of how we would be able to balance it all with both of us working. I hope once we add more kids we'll still be able to figure out a way for us each of us to get a couple hours a week in! eek!

    GOOD LUCK finding your balance Ms. Sparkly Granola :P

    ReplyDelete