Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Where I've Been

I obviously haven't blogged much the last month. Ok, at all. Things have been interesting and maybe not blog worthy. Or I just couldn't find words to fit what's been happening in life.

My mother in law, Linda, is still in a medical facility in Seattle fighting stage 4 laryngeal cancer. She is doing amazing. She gave her heart to Jesus a couple months ago and her recovery since then has been incredible. She finished 7 weeks of radiation with flying colors and we're now waiting on more testing to figure out the next step. There is still a tumor and she does still have cancer, but we believe her prognosis is much better than it was 4 months ago.

We've been caretaking for Craig's step dad, G,which consumed more of our lives than I can even explain. G is 72, wheel chair bound, a smoker and an alcoholic. Need I say more? He has 3 grown kids of his own but none of them were helping. Then all of the sudden they swoop in to town and take G, $2300 from the bank account, every last stinking thing from the storage unit, and everything but Linda's clothes from the apartment. They didn't even leave her a drinking glass. Or a TV. Or her digital camera. Or her crockpot. Or her silverware. Or her photos. You get the picture....but Linda won't since they didn't leave her any. Can you believe that? Sounds to me like they promised him cotton candy or icecream and he decided that would be a better life. Off he went and we have not heard from him since. BUT, he has been calling Linda (but she has no interest in speaking with him) and also my sister-in-law quite a bit so I think he's realizing his kids just wanted his money and he needs help...again. Too late buddy!

Craig and I have sacrificed so much the last 4 months. We felt like we were doing the right thing and did what needed to be done, but now we just feel used and taken advantage of. Linda and G will not be getting back together, which is really for the best. If we had known that 4 months ago we wouldn't have wasted 4 months of our lives trying to help him when all he wanted to do was take advantage of us and make sure he never ran out of cookies and egg nog. Seriously.

So, their apartment is gone, they both have their own bank accounts now  and I pray Linda and G never see each other again. The last thing she needs is to be back with an alcoholic.

It's just been rather crazy because having a mother fighting a serious cancer diagnosis is hard enough. Then you add in the crap that G has put us through and the last 4 months have at times felt like our own personal hell. It's been hard on our marriage, our finances, our children, our schedule, and our own health. STRESS. But, G is gone and he gets to lay in the bed he's made and pay the consequences of years of poor choice making. We did everything we possibly could to help him, but I don't think he ever really wanted help. So, now our focus can finally be on our own family and Linda, the way it should be.

In amongst all this my girls have had ear surgeries. Eliana got ear tubes last August. Evangeline got them early December. Then in January Eliana's fell out, which lead to one of the hardest months we've ever had (that would be a whole separate blog) and then she just got them back in about 2 weeks ago. THEN Evangeline got Hand Foot and Mouth Disease this past week. She caught it from a nursery and within a couple days had a fever and wouldn't nurse. Her fever got to 103.19 before finally dropping to 101.5 (where it still is now) and she developed blisters on her hands and feet. Poor baby. It's just been one thing after another really.

Do you see why I haven't blogged? I find myself going back and forth between feeling fine and feeling rather....depressed. Life has been really hard, there's just no other way to say it. We've had so much to juggle and so much big responsibility put on us and the burden has been heavy. I sort of feel like life just feels serious lately. Linda's cancer, my brother in law suddenly passing, my friend's baby suddenly passing......it's just hard to breeze through my days right now. I feel sadness about a lot of things and it'll be a process to come out of the fog.

I really appreciate my friends who send notes, message me to make sure I'm ok, go out on girl's nights, come over and hang out, etc. Sometimes it's way too tempting to just hole up in my house and not face the world at all, but I feel so much better when I am able to go out, laugh, and experience joy.

Anyway...this post could go on way too long so I'll just stop it now :)

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