Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Curveballs

Life sure can throw curves, can't it? I'm learning there's a sense of grieving that takes place when things don't go as expected. Not just grief over the event or whatever changed the way things went, but just over the fact that it went differently than we thought it would.

I'm dealing with some health problems (yes, more and worse than the cyst rupture), none of which I want to blog about right now, and it's been hard. Another pain in my journey, more learning to live in the limbo and hardship, and more learning to trust that God is good no matter what. I feel like, "God, how can I possibly have any more rough edges to wear off? Can't the hardships be done?"

Things I never wanted to experience, empathy I never wanted to have first hand......now I have it.

I don't want to live my life always waiting for the other shoe to drop. But how do I juggle not living like that with the natural reaction of self preservation. When things have been hard for X amount of months, it's hard to believe they ever won't be hard. I'm not a pessimist by nature- I'm a realist. But this year is beginning to make me a pessimist and I don't like that.

I would like to crawl in bed for a week or drink way too much wine. Neither of which can happen when 2 little ones depend on me. And so, one day at a time God will have to bring me through it.


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