This past week was Halloween. I started the day out thinking I wouldn't have any sugar and would keep to my new way of eating. I passed over all the delicious cookies, scones, and pie at my morning book group and ate my usual healthy lunch. Then for whatever reason that night, I kind of went, "ah screw it!" And I ate A LOT of candy, mostly chocolate. Then, truth be told, we had fast food burgers and fries way too late into the night also. BARF. And like I expected I was 2lbs heavier the next morning.
We had scheduled a photo shoot with my very talented photographer friend, Tonie, for Saturday...so I knew I had to overcome my Halloween whoopsy and get it back under control. This couldn't be a, "well, I screwed up last night I might as well eat what I want all week" kind of thing. I've learned being that way is so self-defeating and that the best thing you can do is pick yourself up and dust off right away. Waiting to be healthy usually means you don't really want to be healthy. *Stepping on toes I'm sure* Really just talking about me the last few years, as I'm really only an expert on ME :)
So, Thursday morning after Halloween I was all dusted off and ready to plow back into health. Amazingly I craved sugar ALL day and I really had to fight it. It's nuts how quickly sugar gets into our system and tells us we NEED it. I resisted and stayed healthy. So, yesterday was Saturday, the morning of our photo shoot. I very nervously got on the scale praying I'd see the number I've worked so hard for. The culmination of 3 months of hard work and taking care of me. What do you know....I stinkin' did it. 35.7lbs....I actually beat my goal of 35.5! It felt surreal and amazing and I'm really proud of myself for doing it. My journey is far from over and I'm by no means at my perfect weight. Another 20lbs would be ideal for me and I will shoot for that. But, that being said, I feel good about myself, I do acknowledge that I look healthy, and shopping is sure as heck fun again. Even if it's pretty much just Goodwill.
I'm not brave enough to tell you all what I actually weigh....maybe someday, err...never.
I've been belatedly downloading photos off our digital camera onto my laptop from months ago because now that I finally have a smart phone (HTC Sensation) I pretty much take pics on that only. I found a photo from this past June when my father-in-law came for a visit and I got to meet him for the first time. That was SO wonderful, healing and all around awesome. The photo of me, not so much. I want to throw up looking at this photo and somehow wish and wish that I never actually looked like this. But you know what? I did. And accepting that is part of moving forward. It's OK, you can say it with me in sloooow motion, "wowwwww".
I'm very happy to say, that's not how I look anymore. And I remember how miserable, beat up, and BLEH I felt back then. I'm even happier to report I don't feel that way anymore. I think I believe (right now anyway) that our outsides are often a reflection of what's going on inside. I know that can go the other way and we can paint the barn real pretty to hide the rotting beams inside.....but for most of us, the weight is covering something, literally and figuratively. We have to come to the point that we realize we matter and we're worth investing in, getting to really know, and taking care of ourselves like we do our spouse and children. Would I ever want to let one of my children be this unhealthy or unhappy? Heck no! So, why did I let myself be this way? That's the million dollar question, moms!
Alright, here's some happier photos, taken today :
Excuse the messy counter....it's mostly the norm around here.
That, my friends, is a real fur coat. But it's vintage so I promise I didn't kill any animals to wear it...someone might have 60 years ago though.
These shorts are Underarmour workout shorts, ladies size M. They are baggy and that blows my mind.
The girls had to get in on the shot :)
I hope I can encourage and inspire you. Not to say, "aren't I awesome?"
But to say, "YOU are worth it....and if I can do it, so can you".