Life has been busy. That's an understatement. A 13 year old in baseball, a 4 year old, 2 year old, and then my own appointments and such. It's a lot. I'm trying to say no to things, but it's hard. It seems either I feel guilt and this sense of "I should be able to make it work" or the pressure is external with comments like this from other people, "well, I thought since you're only 6 months you could do it.../you're not due til August so I thought you could..." Yeah, that has seriously been said to me. UGH. Then I want to
drop kick kindly chastise said people. There are only so many hours in a day. I only have so much energy. As it stands I am lucky if I have 2 nights a week not occupied by baseball. I believe the best use of my energy and time is that it's spent serving my own immediate family and caring for and raising my kids. Some people just won't get it, I guess. But, as a pregnant lady, it's been very frustrating. I pressure myself enough, so the outside ignorant comments are a terror.
I have a select few friends with 'large' families who understand how challenging it is having teenagers and toddlers at the same time. I am very grateful for their empathy and understanding. Most of the moms my age have only 1 small child and won't know for a decade what my life is like! Because I can only say this a few more months, let me remind you, I'm in my 20's!!! Ha!
Most days I feel pretty good. Yesterday was not a good day. Just so exhausted I could hardly drive keeping my eyes open and I was feeling really frustrated that my options for time alone or anything non-kid related are so very few and far between. Sometimes as a mom you just honestly feel a bit irritated at how much time and resources go to certain things. Then the phone wouldn't stop ringing or someone's iPad beeping, etc. I went in my room at 9pm last night to read and go to sleep...about 3 hours earlier than usual, but I knew I wasn't doing anyone a favor by staying awake. Not a good day.
I feel like I had more energy and more brain cells with my other pregnancies. But, it's really hard to compare. During my last pregnancy I just had a 2 year old to think about. There was no 7th grade homework, shuffling toddlers/bedtimes/a teenager. It's definitely harder having more people to keep up with and more that is required of me. Just making dinner happen every day is frustrating me. There is no wave of frenetic nesting energy. I am tired 24/7. Cranky pregnant lady? Yeah.
I hope I'm just in a slump and will feel better in a few days...not feel exhausted, frustrated, and apathetic for another 12 weeks. We have about 5 weeks of baseball season left, give or take with rain outs, and I think the reprieve of school being done and baseball being done will be very nice. Craig spends a good portion of his evening doing homework with Jacob or taking Jacob to and from baseball, so it's been hard for him, too. We just don't see each other much. And by the time we do at 10pm, we're so tired we have nothing to say. With quality time being my love language, this mama ain't feeling the love.
Pregnancy stats on 5/8/2013
Weight gain: Approx 18-20lbs depending on the day
Baby's size: over 2lbs now! He is a busy little guy and frequently kicks hard enough he's clearly visible on the outside. He kicked Eliana's hand a few times this week.
Pregnancy Symptoms: Freaking exhausted. Skin breaking out here and there. Feels like hips are spreading a bit.
So far no cankles!
Health wise I think I'm doing really well. Other than the exhaustion, my body feels good. I feel huge most of the time, but my wedding ring is still loose, my rain coat is still huge. It's pretty crazy to put on coats/shirts/etc that were tight on me a year ago before losing weight and realize they are still huge on me now at 6 months pregnant. It's like, Geez, I was huge before! It puts my size now in perspective and helps me occasionally be gracious to myself.....even thought the weirdos around town might not be so kind with their comments. The comments pregnant women get are strange, right? I have had some incredibly kind and thoughtful things said to me. And then just 1 or 2, "wow, you are huge" comments and BAM...you spent the entire day feeling embarrassed to be seen in public. I'm sure at least half of the angst the comments cause is hormone driven, but that's the world a pregnant lady lives in. Being much heavier during my other pregnancies made me look less 'pregnant', I think. Now that there's less me and more baby, I sure do get the comments. I'm seeing pregnancy from a whole different vantage point.
I will say that a very handsome older man....like the kind of guy that nature has been kind to and has somehow aged like Alec Baldwin (yup, love him) or Richard Gere, told me on Sunday that I was "foxy". Made me chuckle but I really appreciated it. He wasn't hitting on me and he's old enough to be my grandpa, so it was a genuinely kind comment from a non-scary male. Thank you Mr. Way-Too-Handsome-For-Your-Age :)
My midwife is back in town from working overseas, so I'm looking forward to getting to know her. I've only seen a midwife 3 times so far this pregnancy and I think that's part of why I'm feeling frustrated, irritable and disconnected a bit. I need the relational connection in pregnancy that a friendship with your midwife creates. I'll be 28 weeks on Friday, so the every 2 week appointments should be starting soon, although I don't actually see her for another week. I feel like the holistic approach of a midwife helps refocus pregnancy and takes the attention off all the external crap- like the comments from people- and helps keep me focused on eating well, caring for myself emotionally, readying for labor, etc. I need that.